I know....its a long time coming. So we give you two for the price of one.

** This post is not "finished" in a sense. It has been sitting here in our unpublished blog section since August and I'm sick of it sitting there. So, I'm going to post it and let that be that. Really, the only thing of note that you should know about these two recipes is that they tasted fine, the beef dish tasted like Hamburger Helper without having to use a box of Hamburger Helper, and the green beans weren't as good as the usual green bean casserole, but still weren't bad. We both ate and were full. The most important thing that happened that night is we obtained our first Polyester Gourmets injury. That's right, Laura burned her finger, and screamed like a bitch, which in turn scared the crap out of me and I think I screamed too. My cat was very annoyed and confused. Now, I leave it to you to follow the pictures and fill in for yourself what happened throughout the night. much love - Ashley**


First, let me say that both Argie and I apologize profusely for the extended absence of a recipe. However, we feel that we had good reason. We actually did BOTH of these recipes a long time ago, so you'll have to forgive us if some of the details are a bit fuzzy. We've both been on vacation, both been readying to move to new cities( more about that later) and have been giving our notice to work and interviewing. (Pray that we both find something good in our respective new locations!)


Secondly, I'm apologizing beforehand for the poor quality of the pictures. I'm not a professional photographer, with professional equipment. We're lucky I've moved to a digital camera.

First things first....the sour cream. Let me just tell you, I don't know what it is about the stuff....but the people in the 70s loved this stuff. Practically every recipe has some sour cream in it. Which I guess is better than mayonnaise....but still not great.


So we mixed the butter and the sour cream together.











Now, its time for the cream of chicken soup.

If by "Budget" you mean TASTELESS...

mmmmm... tasteless cooked beef.

Really, this wasn't a bad dish, I ate it happily and was left feeling full. It did it's job. But this is Not the kind of recipe that inspires Ina Garten to write cook books.

We started out shredding the carrot and potato, and then chopped the scallion and onion. My guess is that their intentions were that the carrot, potato and cottage cheese would be used as some sort of filler and would enable the cook to use less of the expensive meat. However, when you shred it so small, it doesn't take up much room. Further, it's so small that its taste is lost in the dish. Honestly, crumbled saltines would have made a better filler.

I am happy to report that during all of this chopping, we didn't once sing "She's chopping broccoli", for which I think we should be commended. (Yay Us. Giggity)

Into the bowl with the carrot, potato, onion, scallion, an egg and a mess of cottage cheese. Nothing says "this is gonna be a great dinner" like gross looking orange stuff.

Maybe adding the meat will make it look less disgusting?

Wrong again.

Okay, into the dish, into the oven, cross your fingers and let's go watch the new Netflix documentary that came today. (We watched "Wal-Mart: The high cost of low price" by Robert Greenwald; it was quite good and I highly recommend it to you.)

WARNING: The following contains graphic images that may be disturbing or offensive to some viewers

Viewer discretion is advised.

We took the cottage cheese meatloaf out of the oven and really, the first thing, the only thing, that we could notice was the shocking amount of grease that was pooled around the edges. Now, we're a couple of girls who don't mind grease. In fact, give me a greasy hamburger or steak and cheese sandwich any day of the week. But this is ridiculous to be quite honest.

Grease is the time, is the place, is the motion. Grease is the way we are feeling...

We were looking at it and figuring out how we could impress upon you the amount of grease floating around this mess.....when Mara thought showing the depth of the grease would be a good idea.

Plus there's the added benefit of soaking out some of the Fluid O' Fat.

And yet it wasn't quite enough...our meatloaf was still swimming in the stuff. It was sort of like taking a Tylenol after a bear gnaws your arm off; right idea, wrong drug.

So, Mara then suggested we get out the turkey baster, and end this madness once and for all.

And you know we measured it. Yes folks, 2/3 of a cup. Say it with me, "niiiice".

Okay, grease crisis averted, and we are back to eating the cottage cheese meatloaf. Really, it didn't taste bad, it just didn't really taste. It was literally as if we put the meat in a pan and cooked it through with some chopped onion. You couldn't taste any of the scallion, and it really could have used some garlic or any kind of spice really. And it wasn't really that budget conscious either, it was about $3 cheaper than the fantastic Swedish meatballs we had last week. Save your money folks, buy some Ramen...its cheaper, tastier and resembles actual food.

Stay tuned...more next week. We will try to have our first guest commentator and if anyone has any requests for a particular type of food, we may entertain entertaining them.

Everyone Loves A Ball of Meat

First off, yes I know that our Swedish meatballs have blobs of sour cream on top of them, but I swear, that's what the directions said.

We decided to take the safe road on this one. After all, Mara had barely survived the egg disaster with an intact gastro-intestinal system. So we selected a recipe that we thought might be ok. As it turns out, it was delicious. But seriously, how can you go wrong with meat and carbohydrates. Mara's theory is that there are several recipes in the collection that the good house-wives of the early 70s would clearly recognize and execute well, a 'gimme' if you will to galvanize them for what was to come later.

So we assembled our materials

As it turns out, not ALL of the materials. We forgot the Allspice and the sour cream, and Argie refused to go back to the grocery store.


(Argie had a bad day at work and just couldn't bear facing the traffic and the store again.)










UNTIL......................................

Mara threw the ONLY egg we had unto the floor in a fit of rage. ( She CLAIMS it was an accident.)

Did I mention that she didn't like eggs.









After going back to the store and again assembling everything we needed we started the meat balls.

This dish required both beef and sausage, a good combination any day of the week.













Meatball!!! Meatball!!! Meatball, I love Meatballs!!

I find that singing a happy-tune makes the meatball formation process go a lot easier.

Meatball!!! You are D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!








I forgot a picture of the meatballs cooking in the frying pan. But I'm sure you can use your imagination.






You know what's good with Gravy? More Gravy!

After the meatballs are cooked, we set them aside and used the drippings to make the gravy.






We cooked the egg noodles. Yes, that is a huge blob of butter.

You know what's good with butter? More Butter!








Threw the meat balls back into the gravy and coated them with the gravy.









I know this is a crappy picture of the finished product, but I never claimed to be a professional photographer. Notice the almost identical plating.








TA-DA!!! Look Ma, I finished everything on my plate. Honestly folks, this stuff was DE-LISH! Next week we promise to get back to the crazy recipes...but for now, this was a nice repast. Just you wait till we get to Sandwich Loaf! But we're saving that for a special occasion.

Rubber Eggs...

"Argie"
"Yes friend"
"I've told you that I don't really like eggs, right?"
"...Fantastic."

And so begins our first attempt at this project. Not only does Mara not really like eggs, but she's been nauseous for the last three days. I could tell that this was going to be a great afternoon.

It started off easily enough, I made the mashed potatoes while Mara tried to take a nap on the couch due to her afore mentioned nauseous/tiredness. After nap time, Mara came in and seasoned the potatoes and we were ready to get this party started.

(Mara would like it to be known for the record that she thought we should be using instant mashed potatoes, as they gave it an added touch of period-correct credibility. But if I'm eating this crap, it damn well better have actual mashed potatoes.)



We piped the potatoes around the casserole and down the center, making two empty hollows where the eggs will go.



In the hollows we layered green taco sauce, then Monterrey Jack cheese, then the eggs.

It looked nasty, but what can you do? It was then into the oven with the nasty egg/potato dish.

17 minutes later, with the egg whites looking like disgusting globs of white sliminess, we decide to let it cook a bit longer. Little did we know that no amount of cooking was really going to help the baked eggs and mashed potatoes. When we took it out, we spent a long while staring at it in silence.

Finally Mara reached for a plate, grabbed a spoon and courageously scooped up her half. I followed suit and then sat with her on the couch to begin the tasting portion of the evening.

What can be said of the taste...

The mashed potatoes were quite lovely actually, especially the bites that had the taco sauce and cheese in them. But the eggs, OH the eggs!! I think it can best be described by this song we came up with:

--To the tune of "Sexyback" by J.T.--

I've got a stomach ache (yeah)
It must have been something that I ate (yeah)
I need to scrape this crap off of my plate (yeah)
It's too gross for even Martha to save
"take it to the trash!"
Rubber Eggs
You're freakin nasty get up out my face...

Yeah, that's as far as we got on the song. We figured a dish as gross as this didn't really deserve a whole verse and chorus. We scraped our plates and then went to a restaurant up the street for a chicken sandwich and tomato basil soup.

And, so ends our very first recipe in the Polyester Gourmet Project....until next time!

The First

The Polyester Gourmets

Who:

While all twenty-something girls would like to think that their lives are something similar to a mix between a "Sex In The City" episode and Martha Stewart's kitchen, the truth is a far cry from that fantasy. In reality, we're sitting on our couches, next to our cats, sipping on a glass of cheap wine, stuffing our faces with take-out Chinese food while watching those episodes of "Sex in the City." This experiment is an attempt to bring a little excitement into our lives....something to look forward too in the never-ending work week.

Mara (not her real name) spends eight hours of her day working behind the desk at a state agency staring at Excel sheets. She thinks she may expire from the excitement of it all at any moment. Other than not using the education her parents paid for; she enjoys reading, music, and sampling fine goat cheese.

By day, Argie (also not her real name) works at a semi dead-end secretarial job under the most fabulous florescent lights money can buy. She loves all things Bon Jovi, the Yankees, dirty martinis and has a penchant for argyle and shoes.

What:

Some years ago, Mara's grandmother gave her several old recipe boxes. Among the collection was an oddly-shaped puke-yellow box with peeling faux-folk stickers on the outside. (Incidentally, Argie's mother owned the same recipe box. It seems that every woman with a subscription to Good Housekeeping in 1973 was a member of the Recipe Club.) But the outside of this humble yellow box is nothing compared to what it houses.

The first thing that hits you is the smell, like walking into a dark, dank basement. Then you notice that it holds the many yummy delights of the 1970s kitchen like a Frankfurter Crown and Creamed Shellfish in Rice Ring. We were oddly fascinated, like looking at a car accident on the side of a highway. We pondered, "How could people each such things!?" Were these recipes the reason for the fall of civilization as we knew it, or merely a canary in the coal mine? There was only one way to find out... to travel into the heart of darkness itself.

We were going to make all of the recipes, exactly as they were described and write up our reflections on them.

The Rules:

1. All recipes must be made exactly as they are written, no substitutions.
2. They must be tasted by both Argie and Mara (or any other poor pathetic bystander we
can get our hands on.)
3. You must consume at least one full bite minimum of each dish...believe us when we say
that you will come to understand why.

The New York Times food critics, we are not. But hey, these recipes weren't created by Bocuse either.